I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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