I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
