What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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