she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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