The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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