He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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