My room smells like vodka and shame
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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