I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize