you would pick up someone in the library
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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