Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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