dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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