okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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