my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
