I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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