listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
