I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's the barista slut.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
