You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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