If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
