Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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