Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
