Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
