Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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