I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
