Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
