happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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