i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
