Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
