I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
