you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
