Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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