Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
