there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
