Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
