Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
