somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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