do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
operation have a gay friend backfired
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
