Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
