So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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