Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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