why didn't you poke me back
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
