Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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