Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
