i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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