i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
