do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish you could order shots online.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
