Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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