Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
