New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What drink are we having for lunch?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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