It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
