Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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