Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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