Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm really busy with my period
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