We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
