I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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