god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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