What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
