He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
