So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
