that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
