Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
