remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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