I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
