Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Green mimosas i think yes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
