Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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