With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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