i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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