Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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