Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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