you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
