i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you. Go after that dick
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
