So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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