in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
