I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
