I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
