I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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